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Returning to sex after a long break

What do I mean by a ‘long break’? Any amount of time after six weeks maybe. The Koran tells that sexual activity should happen in marriages at least every six weeks. Its cause for divorce if not!   I learnt this from a Moslem woman on a plane out of Saudi many years ago and began to watch my own body which in those days had to go without for many weeks and months. It seemed true, I dried up and closed down. ‘Use it or lose it’!

Life puts all sorts of stoppages in our way. With me it was years of cystitis and thrush, marriage difficulties, time apart, divorce, illnesses like the terrible mercury poisoning with nine years in bed. Then not finding a new love. Going many years without sex, as so many of my close friends have to do on similar reasons, is just so sad. We are all very decent women bringing up families, assisting the elderly members, helping around the neighbourhood, being all things to all people. Sexual intercourse might not even be on our list.

But what if circumstances improve and a possibility wanders over the horizon! Ageing doesn’t help either but getting back in the groove will probably need a bit of practical assistance. I could write another book of the what-ifs and the what-to-do’s. Its a huge subject actually.

Emotional, fear, size match, showering, any necessary contraception, any necessary hormonal replacement therapy, any help from medical vibrators to start things off more comfortably, what lubricant suits best, where to do it, physical difficulties like bent penis, tightened vagina, presence of chronic unseen infections, bad teeth, weight gain, and so on and so forth. The practicalities are endless and entirely personal.

No man makes love the same way as others; no woman does either. Maybe the initial sexual contact might be of a more technical ‘need to know’ basis, maybe not. Maybe its a good idea not to take long at it and become so sore you have to leave off for a week or two to recover. Maybe you both didn’t heed the bottle washing and full shower advice and now there’s an infection again.

If I was to generalise; a new sexual event after some time without sex should be quite carefully planned and activated. Its worth it. Not to be ill afterwards, not to be fearful but to be able to look forward to the next time and know it will be alright is a huge success, something to be congratulated upon.

I have recently at aged 74, after an eight years lapse and loss, been highly successful at masterminding. If I can manage, so can you!!

Angela Kilmartin